I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
