Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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