I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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