She is in my trunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
