Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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