There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
