I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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