we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize