Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
someone owes me an orgasm
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
