Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
