you will always have a special place in my vag
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
two words...techno handjob
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I need moral support for this bender
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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