Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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