my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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