I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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