If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize