Buhtt sex?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
