My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We named our party play list daddy issues
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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