covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
