I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
