The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
