Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
