don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
