I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
