I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
