hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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