I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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