How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
