I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
