Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
