About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
