I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
