I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
