why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
