Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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