After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
