It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
