i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
