i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
God, I missed his penis.
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