you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
