I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
