Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
