i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
