The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
