Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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