my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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