I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
