Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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