Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
