Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
