she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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