I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
