I wish I only lived at night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
