Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
