I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
