I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
