I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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