My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
