What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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