Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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