Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
