I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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