The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
