Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize