I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if only i could text you this smell
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
