Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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