the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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