So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
