they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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