Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
