Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Randomize
